Buy me a Hatake
by yotada
Summary: Being the genius that Kakashi was, he came to the logical conclusion that the only way to get his father to spend time with him was to buy Sakumo for the day!


**This story was inspired by the Singaporean film, "I Not Stupid Too". **

**This film (along with its prequel) was truly an inspiration. It also outlines some of the major problems that exists between a child and their parents in Asia.**

**If you enjoy Humor and Angst mixed into one, this is the film for you. It will have you clutching you stomach in laughter in one scene yet bawling your eyes out in another. **

**(even my brothers cried)**

* * *

**Title**: Buy me a Hatake

_**Disclaimer: **__I don't own Naruto or any of its characters._

_**Summary: **_Being the genius that Kakashi was, he came to the logical conclusion that the only way to get his father to spend time with him was to buy Sakumo for the day!

* * *

"_Hatake-san, Hokage-sama asked me to deliver this to you." The ANBU said from the windowsill as he handed a scroll over to Sakumo. Kakashi watched curiously as the elite gave his father a curt nod before promptly disappearing in a puff of smoke._

_Leaning across the table, Kakashi strained his neck as his father slowly unrolled the scroll on the kitchen table. A large red lettered 'A' was stamped on the top left corner of the page, followed up by the amount of payment and details of the escort mission._

"_You see that Kakashi?" Sakumo smirked while gesturing with his chopsticks to the laid out scroll, "People pay 2000 Ryou just to spend one day with your father."_

_Kakashi turned confused eyes to his father. "Do you mean if anyone paid you 2000 Ryou, you will spend the whole day with them?"_

_Sakumo laughed, "No, no! I only meant that people only pay that much when they wish for the best shinobi Konoha has to offer. And since your old man is the best in the village…." _

"_It indirectly means that they pay so much to get your services. Your services are expensive because you are the best shinobi." Kakashi nodded in understanding._

"_That's my boy." Sakumo ruffled Kakashi's hair fondly._

_There was a moment of silence where the two Hatakes continued eating their breakfast. _

"_Father..."_

"_Hm?"_

"_If people pay to spend time with you, does that mean you are a pros-te-tute?"_

_

* * *

  
_

Kakashi stared forlornly at the _Ryous_ he had dug out from his savings.

"_Only 482 Ryou…" _

The young Hatake sighed and contemplated his situation. This Friday was 'Performance Day', the day where all the parents are invited to come to the academy to watch the progress their children have made throughout the year. All the students were grouped into events they excelled in by their teachers, so as to better show off their skills.

Kakashi himself was pretty proud to be grouped into the _Taijutsu_, _Ninjutsu_, and Theory events. His major accomplishment however, was being asked to play the leading role in the _Taijutsu_group _Kata. _

The problem? He didn't know how to get his father to come watch him. He had tried asking his father in person, but Sakumo was never home. He had tried leaving a message on the fridge, but Sakumo had only replied with a "Maybe, we'll see" note. He had even tried asking his father's friends to ask for him, but all they did was pat his head and said, "Of course he will come, Kakashi-kun! There's no need to ask him."

But Kakashi knew better. He knew that his father was the best shinobi the village has to offer, and he knew that everyday people are paying to have his father do their biddings, sapping the White Fang's time to spend with his son. So being the genius that Kakashi was, he came to the logical conclusion that the only way to get his father to come watch his performance was to buy Sakumo for the day!

"_But first, I need to get at least 2000 Ryou…._" The young Hatake sat on his rump and thought hard, _"How can I get more money?" _

Well, the first step is to think, how do adults get money? Adults get money when they work, and to work, they will need a job.

"That's it!" Kakashi exclaimed happily. All he had to do was get a job that will pay him enough so he will be able to afford an A-ranked mission scroll by Friday!

Kakashi smiled broadly and immediately stuffed all his loose coins and notes back into his sock, before putting it back under his pillow. Having hidden his money back in his 'secret place', Kakashi jumped off his bed and began getting ready for school. He has a busy day ahead of him!

* * *

Kousei blinked. Surely he hadn't heard that right. Staring down at the adorably serious face of the child before him however, convinced him that he had not imagined the question.

Crouching down on one knee so that he was level with the child, Kousei asked, "Kakashi-kun, why do you want to work at the academy?" He had always thought that Kakashi's dream was to become a high ranking ninja like his father, not an academy teacher.

"I need the money Kousei-sensei." Kakashi replied earnestly. "I need to find a job so I can make some money by the end of this week."

Well that answers the question on why the child wanted to work in the academy. But why would the child need extra cash? Didn't his father provide him with pocket money?

The Chuunin instructor briefly wondered if the Kakashi's family was having financial problems, but then chased that thought away when he reminded himself that this was the White Fang's son. And the White Fang, if nothing else, was well known for hogging all the highest paying missions. So no, Kakashi's family shouldn't be having money problems.

Deciding that the best route would be to just ask Kakashi, Kousei set to do just that, "Why do you need money so badly Kakashi-kun?"

Kakashi fidgeted with his sleeves and ducked his head. "Ano …it's private Kousei-sensei."

Kousei smiled gently and patted Kakashi's head, "You can tell me Kakashi-kun. I can't help you if you don't let me."

Kakashi looked up shyly, "It's…my father…for.."

Kousei's eyes warmed at the admission. The child most likely wanted to buy a gift for his father that was out of his budget. That would explain why Kakashi hadn't asked his father for money. It was rather sweet that Kakashi would be willing to work just to buy his father a gift, though Kousei doubted anyone would be willing to hire a four year for any jobs.

'_Any legal jobs that is.'_ Shuddering at the thought, Kousei decided to help Kakashi solve his issue, in case the youngster inadvertently ran into someone who might exploit Kakashi's need for money.

"Tell you what," Kousei said as he stood up from his crouch, "How bout I lend you some money so that you will have enough to buy whatever it is you need for your father, and you can pay me back later when you have saved up?"

Kakashi's eyes widened, "Really?"

Kousei winked, "Really really."

Kakashi's beam practically rivaled the sun in its brilliance and Kousei chuckled as he reached for his wallet. "So, Kakashi-kun, how much do you need?"

"One-thousand-five-hundred-and-eighteen _Ryou_!"

Kousei promptly choked and dropped his wallet.

* * *

Kakashi pouted as he sat on the swing at the back of the academy. He had come out here after Kousei-sensei had told him that 1518 _Ryou_ was way too much money and that he was sure that Sakumo-sama would like whatever Kakashi got him, even if it wasn't expensive.

The academy instructor had then proceeded to tell Kakashi that no good adults would be willing to hire children to work, and only evil, sneaky, dirty old men will hire four year olds. And since Kakashi was four years old, the only job he would find is with evil sneaky dirty old men who will tell Kakashi to do very uncomfortable and bad things that four year olds shouldn't do. So it would be best if Kakashi didn't go to any more adults to look for jobs.

Kakashi decided that Kousei-sensei may not be as sane as he thought him to be.

So here he was, back to square one.

Kakashi looked out at the other kids playing in the playground with a pensive frown.

"_If the adults won't help me make money, maybe the kids will."_

With this thought in mind, Kakashi stood up from the swing and walked around, seeking inspiration.

"_What can I do that will make the kids pay me? I can sell candy, but doing that would mean having to use money to buy the candy to sell it, so really, I'm not going to make more. So what can I do that doesn't need me buying stuff?" _

"Aww man! Why did Satoshi-sensei assign us so much homework, I'll never finish this in time!"

Kakashi looked to his right to see three boys from his class with papers scattered about them, attempting to rush their way through the exercise sheets before recess was over.

"_Obviously doing everything last minute"_ Kakashi rolled his eyes. He had completed all his homework last night within half an hour. Of course, being the genius in the class, Kakashi had found those exercises ridiculously easy.

Suddenly, inspiration struck and Kakashi walked towards his classmates, who were all a good 2-3 years older than him. Stopping next to the blond, the young Hatake waited for the boys to acknowledge him.

The blond eventually looked up. "Is that something you wanted Kakashi-chan?"

Kakashi inwardly bristled at the honorific. Ever since he was moved up a few grades his new classmates had taken to adding 'chan' to the back of his name like he was some sort of baby. (Of course, the fact that Kakashi **was** the baby of the class was promptly ignored.)

Taking a deep breath, Kakashi swept his gaze over the three boys. "I can do the homework for you guys."

That immediately caught the attention of the three boys. Though Kakashi was the youngest in the class, there was no denying the fact that he was also the top achiever in the class, meaning that he could most probably do all the questions before recess was over.

Kakashi looked at the eager faces and inwardly smirked. "_Gotcha_"

The Blond boy took the lolly-pop out of his mouth and asked almost wearily, "For?"

Kakashi smiled innocently back, "10 _Ryou_ for every paper."

The boys looked among themselves. Kakashi decided to drop another offer; after all, he needed a steady income. "I'm also willing to do all your homework for 30 _Ryou_ for every subject. Last minute homework will cost 10 _Ryou_ per paper."

The boys smiled. "DEAL!"

"Oh, and feel free to tell anyone else in our class, just don't let our teachers know." Kakashi said off handedly as he collected the money and sheet of homework from the boys. "Meet me here when recess ends and I'll give you back your papers."

The boys waved and ran off to the play grounds. Kakashi smiled happily as he patted his full pocket and proceeded to dig out his pencil case to start on the homework.

Halfway through his 7th sheet he was interrupted by a girl he recognized from his class.

"Excuse me, but Genma-kun said that you will help do our homework if we pay you?"

Kakashi couldn't help but smirk as money was placed in one of his small hand and a few sheets on the theory of Chakra control was placed in his other.

"_Business is coming in."_

_

* * *

  
_

"Tadaima." Kakashi called into the empty house as he dumped the stack of papers on the floor next to the door. Word had spread quickly and now, more than half his classmates' homework lay next to him on the floor.

Deciding to deal with the piles of homework later, Kakashi headed towards his room and pulled out his secret money stash and the money he had collected from his peers that day.

* * *

**Wednesday **

Takumi stared blankly at the toddler standing in front of her.

"Er….are you lost Otouto-chan?" Takumi asked gently.

The child merely looked at her with a serious expression that was so adorable Takumi had to consciously restrain her hands from pinching his cheek.

"I have come to nego-see-ate." The child declared.

Takumi stifled a smile and blinked innocently at the boy. "Oh… and what are you going to negotiate about?"

The boy grabbed his knapsack from his back and held it forth in his hands as an offering to the mission desk. "I want to buy an A-rank scroll with Hatake Sakumo. I don't have 2000 _Ryou_, but I can pay you 895 _Ryou_ plus my collection of _Ninjutsu_ cards."

There was a moment of silence as the mission room stared at the white haired child and the child stared back at Takumi.

"_You have got to be kidding me…" _she thought inwardly, outwardly though, she simply stuck a smile to her face and bent over her desk and said as sweetly as she could, "I'm sorry Outoto-chan, but those are high class missions, and you will need an adult to request a mission any higher than C-rank."

The child looked taken aback. Hugging the knapsack to his chest, he asked, "But don't we just need money to order a mission?"

"Well, you see-"

"I have the money!" the child cut in desperately, "And if my _Ninjutsu_ card isn't enough, I can add my shell collection too! Father said that those are from Wave country, and that you can't get them anywhere in Konoha!"

Next to Takumi, Kenji sighed in annoyance.

"Look Kid," he said, "this isn't a market, and Hatake-sama isn't a chocolate chip cookie for you to buy. So scram and come back with your parents if they want to request a mission."

Takumi winced at Kenji's hard tone and watched as the child's face crumble.

"But…but…"

"Maybe it's best that you go home Otouto-chan." Takumi said gently, "You can't do anything without your parents here anyway."

Kakashi walked dejectedly out of the mission room building.

* * *

"_Now what?"_

It was Wednesday, meaning he would only have at most one and a half more days to figure out how to buy that damn A-rank scroll that will get him his father for the day.

"Why is it that only adults get to order whatever missions they want anyways." Kakashi mumbled sulkily, "And why do they cost so much? It's only a stupid scroll with writings and astamp…"

Suddenly, Kakashi stopped.

Of course! A scroll with some writings and a stamp! Why didn't he think of that?

Feeling giddy with his new discovery, Kakashi hefted his knapsack onto his shoulders and ran all the way home. Once he was home, the four year old made a bee-line towards his father's study to try and locate an empty scroll and some writing utensils.

* * *

**Thursday**

"Father!" was all Sakumo heard before his midriff was attacked by a small whirlwind of white. The White Fang chuckled fondly and patted his son on the head.

"Tadaima Kakashi." Sakumo intoned.

"Okaeri." Came the muffled reply.

After disentangling himself from his son, Sakumo placed his mission gear by the door and headed to the kitchen to get a drink. "So how were you these past few days?"

Kakashi obediently reported his days and added in a comment about Kousei-sensei being weird around him. Sakumo chuckled at his son's tales and ducked his head into the fridge to search for something to drink. Hmmm, looks like he would have to go grocery shopping this weekend.

"…and then he kept going on about evil sneaky dirty old men and how they are dangerous and shouldn't be allowed to roam the streets of Konoha. Do you think Kousei-sensei was attacked by an old man? Maybe that's why he has a pe-ho-bia of old men…."

"Phobia." Sakumo automatically corrected his son. He finally decided on some of that canned grape juice Kakashi was so fond of and nudged the fridge door close with his hip.

"Fobia….oh! And father, there's an A-rank mission for you!"

Sakumo suppressed a groan. He was hoping to be off duty this weekend.

"I put it in your study, it came yesterday." Kakashi said to his father excitedly. Sakumo raised his eyebrow at his son's eager face and mentally shrugged as he made his way to his study, with Kakashi in tow.

The first thing Sakumo noticed about the scroll on his desk was that it looked an awful lot like the scrolls he uses for his mission reports. The second thing Sakumo noticed when he opened the scroll was that that was definitely NOT an official mission scroll, but a child's attempt to imitate one.

Kakashi's look of excitement quickly turned into apprehension when his father gave him a long hard stare over the scroll.

"Kakashi," Sakumo said slowly, "why did you make a fake mission scroll for me?"

Kakashi fidgeted nervously under his father's stare. "I didn't make it…."

Sakumo sighed. He just got back from Rain country. He was tired, hungry, and frankly, not in the mood to deal with his son's wayward pranks.

"Don't lie to me Kakashi."

Kakashi winced at the hard tone in his father's voice and mumbled ashamedly. "I'm sorry….I tried to get a real A-rank scroll, but I only have 895 _Ryou_, and they said that I needed a grown up to get missions higher than C-ranks, so I-"

"Hold on a second!" Sakumo said in bafflement. "Where did you get 895 _Ryou_ from?"

Seeing his son's guilty look, Sakumo assumed the worse and felt his ire rise. "You didn't steal them did you?!"

"I…I…"

"Where did you get the money? Why on earth do you need an A-rank mission? I leave you for five days. Five days! And this is what happens? I'm disappointed in you Kakashi. "

Kakashi felt tears well up at the harsh tone in his father's voice. Forcefully pushing the moister back, the young boy opened his mouth to explain his actions but was stopped by his father's raised hand.

"I don't want to hear your excuses. " Sakumo said tiredly. "I expect you to return the money and apologize to the person. I'm going to freshen up and go to bed. We'll discuss your punishment in the morning."

And with that, Kakashi was left in the study, staring miserably at his small toes and wondering how things went so wrong.

* * *

It was with a resolved air that Kakashi woke on Friday morning. Though last night didn't go as he had planned, there was still time this morning to explain the situation to his father and ask him to come watch him perform. This was his last chance, his last opportunity to make his father see how much he has improved and make him proud.

Walking into the kitchen, the four year old was about to prepare breakfast when a piece of paper on the table caught his attention. Lifting it with dread Kakashi read its content and felthis spirits crumble.

'Kakashi, I have to meet the Hokage. Don't forget about our talk. See you after school.'

He was too late. His father had left before he could talk to him….

Feeling an ominous pressure build up in his eyes, Kakashi threw the note on the table and ran to his room.

His father wasn't going to come watch him perform.

* * *

Kousei glanced worriedly at his star student as the youngster walked off the stage where he had just completed his _Ninjutsu_ performance.

The small boy had walked in the academy that day with a storm cloud brewing over his head, but try as he might, Kousei couldn't find out the reason for his student's depressed state.

Deciding that there was nothing he could do for the child, Kousei merely waved him over and proceeded to fix his little uniform for the _Taijutsu_ group _Kata_.

"Remember, look towards the audience and try to keep your face blank. You're the main character here, so you will be heading to the stage from the left, while the others will head in from the right." Kousei instructed while he straightened Kakashi's headband and smoothed out the mini-jounin vest.

Kakashi nodded silently and stood still throughout his teacher's fussing and last minute advice. Finally, when it was time, Kakashi schooled his face into a blank expression and walked to his position behind the doors.

"…ages 9 and under, _Taijutsu_ Group _Kata_."

Taking his cue, Kakashi stepped into the room and gave a low bow before taking his place in front of the other students. On the signal of his teacher, the boy lifted his arms and began thefirst series of his _katas_.

Halfway through his second high kick, a flash of white in the crowd caught his attention and Kakashi discreetly turned his head on his next block.

Kakashi felt his breath hitch.

There, in the crowd, sat his father, a proud smile hanging on his lips.

Feeling his chest warm, Kakashi had to forcefully banish the smile threatening to bloom and instead, poured his all into the last series of punches and kicks. When the _kata_ was complete and the children cleared off the stage, Kakashi was among the first to rush towards the crowd of applauding parents.

Sakumo bent down and scooped his ecstatic son into his arms as soon as the boy came within reach. "Guess what I heard from Takumi-san in the mission room today?" Sakumo teased his son. When Kakashi gave his father a confused look, Sakumo ruffled his hair and continued, "I was told that two days ago, a young boy came into the mission room and requested an A-ranked mission, specifically stated that he wanted me in the mission, and was even willing to trade the shells that his father worked so hard to get from Wave country."

Kakashi blushed and ducked his head into his father's shoulder.

"I just wanted to buy you for the day so you can come watch me perform…" he mumbled.

Sakumo's eyes softened and he carried his son into the refreshment room. "And why do you need to buy an A-ranked scroll just to have me come watch you perform? And why the shells? I thought you loved them."

"Well…you said so before that you will cost about 2000 _Ryou_, but I only had about 400 Ryou, so I tried to make more money by doing my classmates homework for them , but even then, I didn't have enough money…the shells were my last resort…"

Sakumo laughed out loud at his son's confessions. "Oh Kakashi…" he hugged his son fondly. "It may cost 2000 _Ryou_ for anyone else, but for you, I will always be free. "

"Really?" Kakashi asked happily.

"Really really." Sakumo replied. "But we have to have a talk about you doing other people's homework for them. I know you don't mean it, but you're hindering your classmates in their studying by doing the work for them. "

"Yes Father, I won't do it again."

"Good."

"Father?"

"Hmm?"

"If I get you for free, does that mean I'm a pri-vi-lee-ged customer?"

* * *

**OWARI**

* * *

**Extra Snippet**

* * *

"JIRAIYE! I'M GOING TO KILL YOU!"

"Wah? Sakumo? What did I do now?

"WHAT THE HELL WERE YOU THINKING TEACHING MY SON THOSE TERMS?!

"Terms? What terms?"

"'PROSTITUTE'!' PRIVILEGED CUSTOMER'! WHAT THE HELL HAVE YOU DONE TO MY SON? HE'S ONLY FOUR FOR GODS SAKE!"

"EH?! Hey, don't blame me! The kid was the one who asked my why some men had to pay for woman and some men don't! What was I supposed to do? It would be immoral to lie!"

A dangerous growl, "And how….pray tell, did he managed to see men paying for women?"

"Er….well…you see….now Sakumo, calm down…we just passed the district by accident on our way home…put that kunai away…."

"I'M GOING TO KILL YOU!!"

* * *

"_**I just wanted to buy one hour of your time…..to come watch my performance" **_

– _**Jerry Kuo to his father (I Not Stupid Too)**_

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youtube .com/watch ?v=VbH-ZjXAB8c&feature=related

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Go watch and either cry or laugh .

(be sure to let me know which one you ended up doing~)


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